E kamaʻilio kākou, let's have a conversation, or better yet, let's talk story about the heaviness of 'Kaumaha', grief.
Grief is a universal human experience, but it’s often misunderstood as only applying to the loss of a life. The truth is, we grieve countless times throughout our lives. It's a very natural response to any significant loss or life-changing event. And as always, just a heads up, this comes from my own journey and experience, not a professional one. This process and the information that follows are a culmination of all the things I've learned to help me manage my own grief. They are built on the 'ike (knowledge) of many kupuna (elders), the wisdom of my 'ohana (family), close friends with their own deep knowledge on the subject, my teachers, professional therapists I know, and some incredible yogis I've met along the way. More importantly, this journey has been powered by my own willingness to learn how to become more emotionally flexible, which allowed me to go through this process at my own pace and in my own way. Once again, sweet one, it's time to talk story about 'Kaumaha' (kow-mah-ha), and it'll be okay, I promise.
The Grief Cycle and The Many Faces of Loss:
The "grief cycle" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) isn't a neat, linear path. It's a fluctuating journey that tosses you all over the place and in many different directions.
What can trigger it? Far more than we realise.
We all get sad sometimes. It’s a part of life. The sadness of kaumaha, or heavy grief, we feel when someone dies, is life-changing. However, we can feel kaumaha for many other things as well. The cycle of grief can be brought on not only by the death of someone important to you, but also by life-changing events like the loss of an important relationship, a change in your work environment, career or retirement, an illness that affects your way of life or the life of someone important to you and how you now interact with them, or recovery from addictions such as substances or destructive behaviours, the list can go on and on. The idea of never going back to the way things used to be can be difficult to accept and heal from, but it is possible to find peace and comfort in your life again.
How Hawaiian Wisdom for Healing Can Help:
In Hawaiian culture, the journey of grief is deeply rooted in community and connection. The traditional approach offers profound insights:
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The Power of ʻOhana: The concept of ʻOhana (immediate or extended family, and community) is crucial. Grieving is not meant to be a solitary act; it's a relational experience. The ʻohana provides a source of support, sharing the ʻeha ʻeha (deep pain), so the burden is lifted over time. Healing happens when you are held by your 'ohana, your community.
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Grief as a Temporary Weight: The Hawaiian term for grief, Kaumaha, literally means "heavy weight" that is expected to be lifted. This idea or logic offers reassurance—grief is a process, the weight becomes lighter, more bearable, and over time, no longer feels like a permanent state.
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Hoʻoponopono: This ancient healing practice means "to put right." It's a powerful process of forgiveness, reconciliation, and mental cleansing, which can be applied to both living and past relationships. When a person is ready, or at least willing, ho'oponopono can help them start to move through their grief process. The four simple statements—"I’m sorry," "Please forgive me," "Thank you," "I love you"—are a profound way to clear blockages and release old resentments, bringing a sense of order, peace, and harmony to your inner world, which aids in healing.
Finding Harmony Through Yoga, Meditation, and Culture:
The holistic approach of Hawaiian wisdom naturally aligns with practices like yoga and meditation, which are increasingly woven into grief support:
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Meditation and Pule (poo-leh): Traditional Hawaiian Pule (prayer/chanting) is a way to commune with a higher power, seeking understanding and inner peace. This mirrors meditation, which helps to quiet the mind, connect you to your spirituality, and find a sense of groundedness amidst the emotional storm.
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Yoga: Grief is held in the body, manifesting as tension and stored emotion. Therapeutic yoga and somatic (body-based) practices can help release this tension. Movements like hula, which began as a sacred ritual, allow for a deep, expressive, and embodied release of emotion, transforming suffering into profound presence.
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Being in Nature: Hawaiian healing emphasises connection to ʻāina (the land). Spending time in nature—whether it's bare feet on the ground, being in the ocean, walking in a forest, or a simple walk around your neighbourhood—is an act of mindfulness that soothes the spirit. Like meditation, it helps you connect to the rhythms of the world and feel less alone.
By embracing these practices, we can help lessen the heavy weight of our kaumaha, our grief, with the support of our ʻohana, friends and community. Moving toward acceptance can help start and navigate the cycle of grief. It takes time, patience and courage. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Reach out to others who have similar or shared experiences. There are support groups and meetings that can add perspective and help you process your grief. And most importantly, remember that healing and recovery do happen over time, so take it as slow as you need to; there is no time limit on grief.
Hawaiian Aura's mission is to share the spirit of Aloha through mindful practices like yoga and meditation, fostering well-being, kindness, and self-discovery for all. Together we can carry the heavy weight of kaumaha with the strength of the community and time.
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"Live Aloha On & Off the Mat," and above all, Stay Kū!
Namaste sweet one & Malama Pono (Take Care) always~
Lynette Haunani