Seasons don't just change because they want to—they change because they have to. The same is true for us. When our own seasons of life shift, a deep need for change can emerge. And when it does, it's time for a conversation.
E kala mai ia'u - I'm sorry...it's not going to be easy. But it's an important and much-needed discussion. Let's talk about triggers. Just the topic itself can be triggering. I get it, I'm here for it, and I'm in it with you. As always, just a heads up, this comes from my own journey and experience, not a professional one. This process and the information that follows are a culmination of all the things I've learned to help me manage my own triggers. They are built on the 'ike (knowledge) of many kupuna (elders), the wisdom of my 'ohana (family), close friends with their own deep knowledge on the subject, my teachers, professional therapists I know, and some incredible yogis I've met along the way. More importantly, this journey has been powered by my own willingness to make space, to learn how to become more emotionally flexible, and allow change to take place in my life when I feel safe, and at my own pace. I know, I know, but it's time, and it'll be okay, I promise. So let's talk story about it, shall we?
You know that feeling you get when something kind of manini (small) happens—like hearing a song or sound, seeing a person, or someone's body language without a word being said, or even a smell—and suddenly your mood shifts? Like you're cruising along, and then bam, you're off, anxious or annoyed at everyone and everything, and you don't even know why. Well, sweet one, that's a trigger, and it can really suck sometimes. But I hope you can find comfort in the fact that it's a completely normal part of being human, and human we all are.
Just like Huliau (pronounced: hoo-lee-ow), the changing seasons can bring with them the chill of autumn or the intense heat of summer; our lives are in a constant state of flux. Change is inevitable, and with it comes feelings of discomfort. But for a lot of us, particularly those with a history of trauma, this discomfort can feel like danger, activating our nervous system's survival mode. Our triggers cause us to retreat inward, to isolate, and to make the mistake of not allowing ourselves to feel safe in a process of change. This can lead to a continued feeling of being unsafe. For most, this is a normal response to being triggered.
But what if you could learn to recognise the difference? What if you could build the capacity, or even emotional flexibility, to stay present? To find peace amidst the discomfort. The goal isn't to erase your triggers, because they may always be there. The goal may be to understand and build a new relationship with them. Sounds scary and maybe even impossible for some, but it's possible. I speak from my own experience and understanding. I've put in the work. It's a process for sure, and even falls by the wayside some days until I am once again triggered, which can often feel like a lot, but I get back at it. The more I learn about myself during this process, the more I can appreciate all that change brings, even when it doesn't feel perfect, because there is no perfect way to feel. I've somehow found comfort in my discomfort. And I hope this share can help you as well. Remember, it's important to always show aloha to ourselves, love ourselves and be gentle, so we know how to aloha those around us.
Let's talk about how we can learn to respond when we are triggered. Learning to recognise and acknowledge your triggers is important, but not easy. We must admit to ourselves (or someone else if you would like some help with accountability) that this is becoming unmanageable, and have a willingness to change, to go with the natural flow of life. For most people, when a trigger arrives, their body often reacts physically first, then emotionally second. It can begin with a surge of energy and/or a racing heart. You feel panicked, and the fight-or-flight response kicks in. This is your cue to pause and check in with yourself. Sounds difficult to do in the moment, but with patience, practice and time, it gets easier. I'll share a sequence that I've learned that has really helped me over the years. It takes the willingness I described earlier, along with a leap of faith and some trust in the process. You can learn by implementing this sequence as soon as now. Keep it simple, but also keep in mind that simple doesn't mean easy, so be gentle with yourself. Healing is not a spontaneous event; it's a result of a rehearsed process and practice that happens over time and begins with a choice and willingness to just start. So when you feel or recognise a trigger kicking in, you can practice the following sequence:
-
Name It: Simply acknowledge what is happening. Silently say to yourself, "I know this, this is a trigger." Naming it separates you and the overwhelming feeling, it causes the trigger to slow down, to lessen its strength.
-
Body Scan: Bring your awareness inside. Check in with your respiration and heart rate. Notice where you feel tension in your body. This conscious check-in helps you to separate your body's reactive state, allowing you to ask, "Is this a real threat right now?"
-
Reflect, Don't React: Instead of reacting, turn your attention inward. Ask questions like, "What does this feeling want me to know?" or "Where have I felt this before?" Simple shifts can help you change your reactivity into conscious reflection.
-
Tell yourself, "I'm safe." This simple phrase, repeated and with intention, can help create new pathways, reminding your nervous system that the past is not the present: "I am safe this time." Take a deep breath, maybe a gentle stretch. Don't react. Instead of tensing up, soften your body, whatever that means for you. Stay in the discomfort for just a moment longer. This is how you train your nervous system—by showing it that a challenging sensation doesn't have to be a threat. Be gentle with yourself.
The goal isn't to erase the past. What happened, happened. Life isn't always fair, but there is always a lesson to be learned. We are capable of building more emotional capacity, of learning to become emotionally flexible and allowing just a little more space, to make room for new growth, and to learn what safety actually feels like. This is the ultimate expression of Living Aloha with and for yourself—a life of love and self-respect is a life lived with compassion, presence, and a deep respect for your own healing journey. Just the willingness to get to know our triggers is a start to the process of healing and is a big step. I wasn't always this strong and willing, but with the help of those who cared, I was able to find the courage, not judge myself, I was able to change. It was a little at first, but then I was able to lean into my new growth and take comfort in trusting this process. I felt safe. It really does just begin with a choice to change. I believe in you, and the fact that you are still reading this proves your willingness. Start here, this is your new beginning. And may you learn to "Live Aloha on and off The Mat," today and every day.
Hawaiian Aura's mission is to share the spirit of Aloha through mindful practices like yoga and meditation, fostering well-being, kindness, and self-discovery for all.
Learn more at hawaiianaura.com.
Namaste sweet ones & Malama Pono (take care) always~
Lynette Haunani