E kamaʻilio kākou, let's have a conversation, or better yet, let's talk story about co-dependency. Recovery is possible!
Do you feel like you're constantly fixing other people's problems? Like your own happiness is completely tied to someone else's? That's co-dependency, and it's exhausting. It’s a deep-seated need to be needed, often leaving you feeling resentful and totally drained. This is especially true for family members and those close to people with addictions, where the urge to control and "fix" can seem like the only thing that makes sense in the moment; it's a very real and overwhelming need, and in some extreme cases, it becomes tied to their identity.
But what if I shared with you a way out, told you about my path to freedom? It isn't just about finding harmony, but also about reclaiming your personal power. And I say 'reclaiming' because a co-dependent person is often a person with a lost identity. Also, just a heads-up, this is me sharing what I've learned on my own path; I am not a clinician or professional. Everything you're about to read is a part of my own personal journey in managing my co-dependency. I'm simply sharing what has worked for me, and I hope it helps you feel connected and supported, too. Throughout the years, and especially now as I am getting older and somewhat wiser (I hope), I’ve learned that my feelings of disconnection are almost always a sign that I’ve lost touch with my Indigenous identity and my Hawaiian cultural roots. I've found that the ancient wisdom just sort of shines a light on my path, helping me figure out who I really am, like finally for real. The journey is about finding your balance, your Kū, your strength, and reclaiming your Lōkahi, your harmony in your own way and time. Let me share...
In Hawaiian culture and mythology, Kū is one of the four major gods, representing strength, power, and decisiveness. Though, in a personal sense, finding YOUR Kū means having the courage to stand firm, make clear choices, and protect your own energy— these qualities are the exact opposite of co-dependency. It's not about being selfish or aggressive, but about having the inner strength to find and live your life with purpose, your true purpose and with integrity. Caring for yourself is the most powerful way to care for those you love, because it allows you to show up with capacity and a full heart. It’s about appreciating your own strengths, your kindness, and your resilience. This helps you build a quiet confidence and a solid sense of self-worth. By focusing inward, you don't need outside approval to feel good about who you are. It's the key to finding your center and feeling at peace, no matter what's going on around you. You are enough, no matter what you think or have been told. I'm telling you now, you are enough.
The journey to reclaim your pono (balance) is a journey of both strength and healing. That's why practices like Ho'oponopono, or "making things right," are so powerful. It’s a way to heal from the guilt and resentment of co-dependency by forgiving yourself and others, allowing you to let go of the past and step into your own power. It takes consistency and time, so be gentle, go slow. Even the smallest change is a victory. While consistency is the goal when making changes, remember to give yourself a break. It's okay to let things wait, to say no, go for a walk, let the chores sit, and save that text message for later. Saying no isn't unkind; it's a necessary act of self-care. No one needs to do everything, all the time. Here are some ways to stay consistent and find your way to your Kū, your strength and balance, and reclaim your Lōkahi, your harmony.
Your Path to Kū and Lōkahi:
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Acknowledge the Imbalance when you can: The first step is admitting your co-dependency exists and is becoming unmanageable for you, that you are living without Kū (strength and balance) and Lōkahi (harmony) in your life.
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Stand in Your Power: Find your Kū by setting boundaries and saying "no." These are powerful acts of self-respect that protect your energy.
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Practice Self-Care Daily: Your well-being is a priority. Do things that bring you joy and restore your mana (life energy).
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Seek Support: You don't have to do this alone. Find a therapist or a support group, and having honest conversations with trusted family members or friends can provide invaluable guidance and support.
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Reconnect with You: Figure out who you are outside of your relationships— reconnect with your passions and dreams. This is the core of rebuilding your pono (well-being).
Recovery is a journey, not a quick fix. But every small step you take is an act of reclaiming your life and building genuine connections. When you choose to stand in Kū and live with a sense of pono, you are living with a deeper sense of Aloha—a love and respect for yourself and others. You can learn more about Ho'oponopono and finding balance by joining our community at www.hawaiianaura.com.
Hawaiian Aura's mission is to share the spirit of Aloha through mindful practices like yoga and meditation, fostering well-being, kindness, and self-discovery for all.
Live Aloha On & Off the Mat," and above all, Stay Kū!
Namaste sweet ones & Malama Pono always~
Lynette Haunani